I have a quote on my fridge, from a fortune cookie actually, that I got many years ago, the quote reads ‘You can’t save the world if you aren’t happy. You don’t help sick people by getting sick.’ I kept this quote for so long because I think it has a powerful and important message.
At the time I got this quote I decided to leave a job where I didn’t feel supported, when I was supposed to be supporting others. I hit a wall. I was only in my twenties, but felt exhausted and burnt out. This quote made me reflect not only on how I was being treated, but my role in changing it. I could sit there and continue to feel miserable and tired, or I could make a change, focus on myself for a while and move forward. I did just that.
I left my job, took time away from that field of work and took care of myself. It took time for me to get to this point, because I felt defeated by the fact that I couldn’t handle the job and I felt guilty because I felt I was disappointing, and even deserting clients that needed me.
What was interesting about this process, and why the quote resonated with me, was because I couldn’t truly do my job to my full potential, be truly present and support my clients 100% the way they deserved, if I wasn’t healthy. What is healthy? I look at health in a wholistic way, taking into consideration one’s physical, emotional and mental health. We must tend to each of these areas, because we are of no use to others if we ourselves are not ok.
That’s where this concept of self-care comes up. Most of us are so focused on others, our kids, partner, family, friends, jobs and clients (the list could go on and on), that we lose sight of ourselves and forget to nourish our own needs. The catch? We can’t do all that for others if we don’t first do for ourselves. Whether that means you need alone time, time for a hobby or extracurricular activity, any form of physical activity, eating well etc., you need to be happy and healthy before you can support other people in your life.
When I am talking with my counselling clients, very often we talk about self-care and how important it is. It never ceases to amaze me how we all forget that we can’t do everything and if we are useless to ourselves, we are more useless to others. I always give them the analogy of oxygen masks on a plane, sort of morbid I know, but the visual and idea really get the point across. If you were to travel on a plane with a small child and for some reason oxygen masks were needed, you are strictly advised to put the mask on yourself first. Most people would think that the child should have the mask on first. Nice gesture, except for the fact that you are no help to the child if you cannot breathe. Much like this analogy, we need oxygen and fuel (food, rest, relaxation, physical activity etc.) to keep ourselves working to our full potential. It is only then that we can be of any real help or support to others. So remember to take time for you, everyone in your life will thank you for it.
