Help, I Am Surrounded By Females!!

It is even truer now that I have been married for 21 years and have two daughters who are 15 and 12.

I love my wife and daughters “big time!”…they are the centre of my world. They are my biggest fans and I adore the time we spend together as a family. But geez, I have to admit that now and then, I miss being able to behave like a man and not get shit-on for doing so.

I have been trained well. I put the toilet seat down all the time (I am on automatic pilot; even at 2 am in the morning when I am half awake). I am able to differentiate between which underwear belongs to each female member of my house-hold, I bite my tongue as my daughters agonize over what to wear to school or when they go out, sometimes going through several wardrobe changes before they finally leave the house. I am mesmerized at just how much hair and body product they have accumulated (our house looks like Shoppers Drug Mart). I have even endured the “that time of the month” routine with all of the drama that comes with it.

As my daughters mature and their feelings begin to develop, I seem to be cut out of the conversation more and more, as my wife is the “go-to parent” for matters to do with affairs of the heart.

Our family outtings on the weekends usually entail going into clothing stores and admiring “how cute this is” or “wouldn’t this look great with my grey top and jeggings?”

What the hell are “jeggings”? I know what they are now, but that is only because I live in a house filled with women.

I hear the bickering and the fights that go on between my two daughters and my wife (sometimes I get involved as well). To this point, I have been able to manage the racket, almost characterizing it as “white noise”.

I often think what it would be like to have another guy around? Do I miss not having a son? What would my world be like if a boy came into the picture? Would I go to the extreme with him and do all the stereotypical “guy things’ like playing baseball, taking him to hockey, playing golf and lounging on the couch watching sports all weekend? Would we hang out at Best Buy and spend hours amongst all the tech toys, salivating at the big screen televisions? Would we go to the car show every February and drool at the Ferrari’s and Laborghini’s shimmering under the lights and imagine dropping the clutch and letting these babies open up on a deserted highway?

Would he want me to take him camping up north and have a “boy’s weekend” of fishing and canoeing in the great outdoors?

Would he want me to go to Vegas with him? Would we laugh at the same “fart” jokes in our favorite movies?

I am sure that if I really wanted, I could do all of these things with my daughters. It would be an effort…just like pulling teeth. But, if push came to shove, I am sure they would indulge me.

But still, no…I don’t miss having a dude hanging around the house. How could I miss something I have never had?

Besides, he and I would still be in the minority and the girls would win the day…every day.

I do love seeing my daughters try on new clothes and always think to myself with each outfit they try on, how fast they are growing up and how they have turned into stunning and beautiful young ladies.

I love having my girls hug me. I am not convinced that a 15 or 16 year old boy would want to hug his old man in the same way that my little girls like to sometimes snuggle with me.

I love how my younger daughter will not kiss me on the cheek unless I shave, since she hates the scruffiness of my beard when I let it grow for a few days. I love how happy she is when I reveal my clean-shaven face to her and she plants a big juicy kiss on my cheek in celebration.

I love how my older daughter loves to spray on perfumes (several at one time) and asks me to smell her neck.

While I sometimes feel trapped on all sides by the ladies in my house, I don’t think I would want it any other way.

I was meant to be married and to have two daughters.

I guess I really can’t imagine having it any other way.