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March Break is upon us, and if you’re planning either a stay-cation or winging-it, you’ve got to have some systems in place, or at least a good mindset, so that the mayhem to come won’t leave you wishing you had booked that expensive trip after all. The kids are going to fight. They’re going to end up trying your patience and you’ll be called to the rescue to resolve and restore.
Here’s my quick-list of the 7 Pillars of truth all parents and caregivers need to remember in order to survive the togetherness.
So, here we go!
1.
Your children are wired not to listen. Their brains aren’t developed enough to understand complex reason, so speak to them respectfully and in words they can understand. Be clear, simple, and concise. Otherwise, your words, tone, affect, and intentions will leave you speechless and back at square one, with an extra dash of frustration.
2.
Empower your children. This is your primary job. Kids don’t always understand the reasoning behind the “why”, but they do understand doing it themselves. Empower them.
3.
You’re using the wrong language. If you’re telling your kids what to do, you’re bullying them. Now we’re back to #2.
4.
Monkey-see, Monkey-do. They’re eyes are bigger than their ears. Lead by example. If you raise the bar, you’re giving them
permission to do so as well, and, on a silver platter no less.
5.
Put your teacher hat on, or your “I’m an empowering parent hat”. Be kind. Be nice. Be firm. Be kind. Treat others as you would have them treat you. Funny isn’t it, because I remember my mother saying this to me 40-some odd years ago. We forget this, so always lead by example, and act if someone is always watching. (This little trick works well with our significant others as well).
6.
Be responsible and take ownership of your own behaviour. If you start feeling the hot, the anger, the stress, take a time out. Tell your kids that Mommy, or Daddy, is taking a time out. Time outs aren’t punishments. In fact, I refrain from ever using that word- there’s no lesson in a punishment. It just hurts everyone. Language is everything, right. If you must, offer a consequence. Remember #5. There are lessons there. Learning opportunities. Remember #2. Excuse yourself for a few minutes to collect your wits. Your children will see this and guess, what….Go back to #4!
7.
Never do angry. Being is ok. In fact, it’s great emotion to have, and one that’s necessary in helping us regulate our emotional behaviour, and it’s our responsibility to help our children express these kinds of emotions in ways that aren;t hurtful to self or others. Mom, Dad, if you’re the one who in the face of anger, upset or conflict, slams doors, throws things, yells or screams, be prepared to allow your kids to do it. If they see you doing it, you’re not only making it ok for them, but you;re normalizing the behaviour. Take a breath. Count to ten. And breathe. It’s all about learning how to express yourself in a calmer, less reactive and more responsive and responsible manner. And, its win-win.
8.
Remain calm. Your kids look up to you. Your kids love you. Love them back by showing them them self-control, poise, courtesy and respect. You’ll thank yourself later.
Happy March Break Families!!!!
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