Retirement is a distant dream for many of us. I don’t know about you, but I often day dream of laying on a beach, or sleeping in until noon, when really I should be looking over my schedule and getting back to twenty something emails. To me, the prospect of retirement means only to stop working and use my free time to catch up on some rest and watch Netflix. However to those actually in reach of retirement it is more like a reward for having worked thirty or forty plus years, and also a new chapter in life that does not emphasize routines and schedules. However, what about the job of a parent? Can you ever really retire from being a mom?
The literal answer would have to be no, however in the case of becoming a grandparent, I think there is a sense of retiring that comes along when your own child has a child of their own. Now all of a sudden, your life slowly takes a turn away from your child’s as their lives become consumed with their own. You can take a step back, and allow them to learn and practice just as you did with them. As a grandparent you can observe, and offer help at liberty as the diaper duty and discipline is not your main priority anymore. You’ve passed the torch and your job is pretty much complete, so now you can lean back and take a well deserved break from parenting.
I had the opportunity to speak with Dr. Joanne Cummings one day, a proud mother of three, and an even more enthusiastic grandmother of two. She explained to me that the stereotype which assumes grandparents are indulgent when it comes to their grandchildren, is in fact true in her case. As a parent your concerns and radar on your kids is in high gear, which could sometimes make you neglect the little moments you share together. As a grandparent you have the liberty to take that step back and observe, but also experience those “joyful, wonderful moments” with ease.
As a young mother, Dr. Cummings pursued her Ph. D while caring for three children. She notes balancing school and motherhood was actually easier than juggling work and motherhood. With school you could “make your own schedule,” so often times she would study and go to class during the evening and tend for the children in the mornings. Although, finding balance in all aspects of your life, Dr. Cummings notes “continues to be a struggle.” Awareness and wisdom comes with experience, and her experiences have allowed her to grow her family and her career. After gaining her doctorate, Dr. Cummings worked for various hospitals, started many initiatives to help children and opened up her own child psychology practice.
Having experienced parenting in conjunction with school and work, and now grand parenting and working, Dr. Cummings tells me that it is surely better being a grandparent. Parenting is a hard job, as we all know, and it is even harder when you do not receive much praise or validation. Dr. Cummings noted that unlike at the work environment, where your self esteem is enhanced through feed back and dialogue, parenting doesn’t always offer the same feelings. Sure you feel you did a great job when your child succeeds, but is that enough? As a grandparent, Dr. Cummings explains that you not only see the struggles but understand it as well, as you’ve also been in their shoes. You can offer your children the praise and compliments on their parenting, and give them the help they need. Grandparents have seen and experienced it all, and although they need the rest more than any of us, a Grandparent’s job is never really complete is it?
For more about Dr. Cummings practice visit www.CummingsPsych.ca
