I have two amazing, intelligent and compassionate daughters; aged 15 and 11. They are challenging, inspiring, caring and it astounds me every day that I am half responsible for their very existence. They are growing up to be good people and responsible citizens of the world.
I often feel incredible pride when they accomplish something or someone gives them an unsolicited compliment for something that they have done or something they have said. I give myself an occasional pat on the back when I receive these kinds of compliments as well (I pat my wife on the back, too!)
It takes commitment, patience and unconditional love to nurture children into responsible human beings. The job isn’t easy and it never ends. I think about my own relationship with my parents — once a parent — always a parent.
I look around at the new moms in my little corner of the world and I often laugh to myself. Since I have been dropping my 11 year old off at school each morning, I have a chance to take in all the sights and sounds of the schoolyard. Some moms are schlepping their whole clan with them; including babes in arms and newborns. Some even bring their nannies along (don’t get me started).
They show off their little babies like they are trophies. They spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars on clothing for their little babies; dressing them up to satisfy their own parental egos…not because their kid really needs to wear this stuff or appreciates the frivolous and extravagant ensembles they get shoved into.
These babies are like fashion accessories.
New moms buy all the latest and greatest stuff for their baby because they have to – to stay competitive with the other moms in the neighborhood and because all the websites and blogs they follow say they must if they want to have the hippest and coolest dressed kid on the block.
It’s almost as if they are looking at their new edition as a novelty; treating their child as a play-thing to dress up and play with.
I often want to go over to enlighten them about what the future holds if they continue with this kind of behaviour. I want to tell them about what life will be like as their children grow up, begin to talk (and talk back) and begin to form ideas for themselves about who they are, what they want and how they want to act.
As your kids grow up, you will look back longingly for the days of the 2 a.m. feeding or the times when they poop their diaper and you have run out of supplies in your hundred-dollar baby bag.
You will yearn for the mess all over the high chair as you attempt to feed them carrots or other highly stainable food and the time you will need to clean it all up.
You will miss the crying because they are hungry or don’t quite want to go to bed yet and you have to give them a dose of tough love (old school it was called “Ferberizing”).
Parents who are in the honeymoon period of their new relationship with their child will soon wake up and realize that this is a lifelong commitment and its bloody tough. It requires 24 hours of work; worry about their physical and mental health is just the tip of the iceberg. Wait until you begin worrying about stuff like social acceptance, having to explain the concept of death, the concept of sex, the human anatomy, homework, failure, teaching the concept of perseverance, love, lust, alcohol, drugs…the list goes on. I can only go this far because this is as far as I have reached in my own journey as a parent with my two kids.
When a baby enters your world, life changes…big time! I know that many new parents are excited and overjoyed with the birth of their child. I was over the moon when both my daughters were born (I still am… for the record).
But no mistake, accessories they are not. Sometimes they are pains in the ass, taxing your nerves and pushing you to your limits. They are a financial burden, they compromise your ability to chase outside personal pursuits, they often keep you inside when you are dying to go out with friends and have a big glass of wine.
But regardless of all of this, I wouldn’t change what I have for the world! Sure, I have no money, sure I have less hair and more grey, sure there are days when I look forward to time on my own or with my wife… but that is parenthood. This is the way its gonna be until the day I die.
I love it!
