My first memory as a child was when I was 3 and was almost run over by a Red Buick. My parents were busy moving furniture into our new house and weren’t paying attention to me. Thankfully my older cousin was and he grabbed me by the hair just in time! Not until recently did I realize how this experience contributed to how I have dealt with things throughout the course of my life. No doubt there have been many other life experiences along the way that have also played a huge role in creating “ME” but this first memory was significant on many different levels.
My parents came to this country from Greece in their early twenties. Poor yet full of ambition. They had no choice but to work hard to make ends meet. They provided for us in every way they knew how. They loved us, built a home, successful business, paid for me to go to University and, when I landed a full time permanent job with the Provincial Government, they were ecstatic and so proud. How happy were they that “the daughter of an immigrant” got a job with the government!!!!! For many years I was ‘content’. I had a good paying job with benefits and a pension and although I was happy, I was not fulfilled. I always felt like there was more out there for me but couldn’t figure out what it was. I wanted to help people, I wanted to inspire people but I thought everyone would think I was crazy if I voiced my inner dreams so….I continued to do what I was doing.
When I was 19 my cousin and best friend died in a car accident. It was devastating. After the funeral was over and some time had passed our family rarely spoke about the tragedy. I don’t think anyone knew how to deal with it so we just didn’t deal with it at all. At least not in the ways I think we should have. I can say that now almost 20 years later.
My early adult life was fairly normal. I went to university, got a job, got married, bought a house and had kids. I did everything that “society” tells us we need to do. Why then…did I still feel incomplete? Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and my life but there has been something missing all along.
Through some very tragic life experiences I have been given the opportunity to take time for me and reflect on many things. Although these incidents continue to be very painful I have learned to take the life lesson out of them instead of the pain and this has helped me grow and get to where I am today.
One night in January 2012 I nearly lost my life. This experience woke me up. It took a while but, it woke me up. As a result I stopped working and was on disability getting better. Just when I thought I was ready to jump back into life and make a difference my father dropped dead in front of me (and 300 other people because we were at my cousins wedding). That night, a part of me actually did die. So here I am almost 3 years after the first incident. I have spent so much time reflecting, learning and listening. I have grown as a person, a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister and as a woman.
Don’t be fooled though. The last 3 years have been a roller coaster of a ride. I have tried to start 3 different businesses thinking that they would bring me the happiness I so badly wanted and needed and, although I have felt like a failure in the past because none of them have succeeded I have realized that they have each been stepping stones to get me to where I am today. I no longer view these experiences as failures but as lessons. I have tried to be “super mom” and “super wife”. I have gone on shopping sprees hoping a new designer bag would make me happy. I have gone away with friends to “find myself” and really…..I can go on but I don’t want to embarrass myself more seeing as we have only just met. What I finally realized is all the happiness I need and have been searching for all along is right here within me. That my friends has been a revelation for me. HOLY COW….all these years of searching and all along the answer has been right here all along. Well….at least I found it. I am happy about that.
One thing I want to make clear is that I don’t share these experiences so that people can feel sorry and pity for me. I surely don’t feel sorry for myself. I feel blessed, happy and content with my experiences because of where they have brought me. I have learnt to accept what I cannot change and change what I cannot accept. The reason I share my life story is so that others know and understand that life was not meant to be easy. It’s a constant journey of learning and growing. If you stop learning and growing you stop living and I my friends…have only now started living my true life!!!
Eleni
