“Are you concerned, Mommy?”, my 10 year old son, Quentin asked, while we watched a news segment one evening.
“No.”, I replied. Point blank.
The above may confuse you. But in my mind it is the natural answer. To what? You may ask yourself… Please do not judge until you have all of the facts.
I recently read a post in a forum and then the comments to follow within that post. Most made me so happy that there were open minds. Then there were a few comments by one poster which angered me right to the very bone!
Teachers were being called “baboons”, saying that we were allowing them to mess with our children’s minds. The comment that threw me right over the edge was, “when your kids come home knocked up, you’ll know why!”
I cannot begin to tell you the many choice words that came to mind that I would have liked to say to this poster, but instead I chose the high road and explained my thoughts.
To give some insight, this is a little bit of my story…
My mother knew when I was 14 that I was dating. She allowed it. But what she didn’t know when she mentioned; “If you want to have sex, then I’ll take you to get birth control.” was that I was already having sex. She allowed me to have boyfriends in the house as long as I kept my door open or they were seeing me during the day on a weekend, even if she wasn’t home.
Ultimately, my mother turned a blind eye, without admitting it, in order to avoid a conversation about sex. In her mind, she would rather I have sex in her home instead of going to a hotel or “doing it” on a park bench. At age 15 I started a relationship with my long time crush. During that time I was sexually assaulted by a co-worker and someone I thought was a friend, and eventually built up the courage to tell my mother and step-father when we came back from March break vacation. A phone call was made to police and a very long process would ensue. It didn’t end here. 2 years into the relationship, I got pregnant at 17, was not able to attend my regular high school because I’d be setting a bad example, was given an ultimatum by my mother to: a) have an abortion and continue living with my parents or b) keep my child and leave the only home I had known. I chose the latter. During my pregnancy and a few months after I gave birth, I was going through a trial over the sexual assault. At the age of 27 and having just given birth to my third son, I felt like I was finally ready to reveal to my mother that a family friend had been sexually abusing me from the ages of 5-7 while she went on business.
Why am I telling you my story?
In late January, the Wynne Government made an announcement. One that would come as a shock to many families that have children going into the school system. Why such an uproar? Well, sex was the big topic of conversation or lack thereof. YES, I said SEX! But why are so many parents getting upset? I’ll tell you exactly why!
The media has definitely not helped ease the minds of parents, as they do not fully explain the much needed changes to the currently outdated 1998 sex education curriculum that is being taught. When changes to the sex ed curriculum were announced, and then backed by Education Minister, Liz Sandals, parents couldn’t believe what they were hearing. Oral sex? Anal sex? Masturbation? Homosexuality? These are just some of the terms, among others, that were causing parents all across the province of Ontario to cringe and then get angry. Why when other provinces are already teaching this new curriculum? Automatically parents are jumping to the conclusion that as soon as their kids enter grade 1 that they’ll be learning about just that. This is NOT the case! Mothers and fathers across the board have been questioning this change saying, “The government should NOT be in charge of teaching our kids about sex. It is the job of parents!”
The reality of the situation is MOST parents haven’t read into the details of this new curriculum carefully enough to make a very educated decision. This is a partial breakdown and complete explanations of what they will be teaching come Fall 2015:
Grade 1: Proper names for the genitals will be taught. Why is this a problem? Aren’t parents teaching their children this before they reach school-age? Children NEED to know the correct names for their parts, if God forbid there was abuse, or even if a child was going to the doctor and needs to be checked for a possible infection. Why should a child only know vagina or penis? That is such a large label to put on a part of one’s body that has so many layers. Literally!
Grade 2: The meaning of no means no. As children we were taught that if you were told not to do something then that was final. “Don’t touch the stove.” “No hitting.” “Don’t yell in the store.” Most of these phrases we’ve heard over and over again from our parents. But why aren’t parents using phrases such as, “If someone touches your vagina/penis/breasts inappropriately, say NO!”?
This is where many turn a blind eye or are naïve, perhaps thinking that it’ll never happen to them or their child. Fact of the matter is, this is why so much child abuse goes on and is not reported. Statistics show that not only are children and youth under the age of 18 more likely to be abused, but they are being abused by someone they know, whether it be a mother or father, aunt or uncle, brother or sister or caregiver. Children are brought into this world by parents to be made feel safe and secure, but when there is abuse by that one person that child looks up to, they feel like they have nowhere to turn. We as parents and as our child’s first educators need to work together with the educators of our school system and teach them that “NO MEANS NO!” in all circumstances, sexual or not.
Grade 3: Homosexuality and gender identity. Imagine your child in school and they end up befriending this young boy/girl. They’ve probably been in every class with them since JK, they’ve always been over to your house, but never has your child been to theirs. As a parent you may be questioning why YOU host all of the playdates. The possibility exists that the little boy or girl comes from a home of same sex parents. Why should children not be taught about the LGBT community & the children who may be coming from those homes when they are immersed with children of heterosexual families? Why are we making it acceptable to place those stereotypes on what a family ‘should’ look like? We shouldn’t! We should NEVER make a child feel isolated or out of place because their family dynamic doesn’t match up to what “the norm” is. It is all about teaching equality and acceptance. To me, it is no different than racism. How about if that little boy or girl really identifies themselves as the opposite gender? So many children grow up feeling like they have to fit the mold of what every little girl should be; dressed in cute frilly dresses, pig tails and playing with Barbies, and every little boy should be in running shoes, getting dirty and playing with Tonka trucks. People are born gay. They are NOT taught this. It is NOT a disease that people think can be cured! Just because two men or women raise a child, doesn’t mean they will end up homosexual! Why can’t a child that may have been conceived out of rape or an unplanned pregnancy be brought into this world with a sense of love and purpose, rather than out of circumstance and be put through a system of possible instability? The answer is they shouldn’t!
Grade 4: Puberty and relationships with the opposite sex. This is a natural part of life and growing up. We get hair in places we never did. Girls start menstruating. Boys begin to sweat more. Yes, many boys, like my son, think girls are still “disgusting” or have “cooties” at 9 or 10 years old, but then there are boys that start to really show a peak interest in those few girls in his class. Both boys and girls need to know what proper hygiene is, not only now, but this should have been discussed well before they were school aged. Obviously the level of hygiene changes as we get older, nonetheless it needs to be talked about.
Grade 6: Masturbation. BOTH girls AND boys masturbate. It is what makes us feel good. It is what allows us to know our bodies in a much more intimate way. Children shouldn’t be taught that it is “dirty” to masturbate. As long as it is being done in their rooms and they aren’t injuring themselves, why shouldn’t they explore their own body?
Grade 7: Anal and oral sex. NO our children aren’t being taught “the act” itself. This discussion is based around STI’s (sexually transmitted infections). Believe it or not, STI’s are not just transmitted vaginally. That is why our children need to have the understanding of the repercussions or consequences of partaking in adult activities, that herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, just to name a few, can be caught through anal and oral sex and that having SAFE sex, is of the utmost importance!
As a mother to 3 boys, one of whom will be going into grade 5 next year, I sat down for a minute and thought to myself, “What the heck is the big deal?! Parents and educators should be discussing this!”
I wish my mother had discussed sex with me, as opposed to me learning about it on my own. But this was never a reality. When my parents were raised, sex was very taboo and kids were taught to only concentrate on their books and being a kid. Nowadays these kids are just too smart for their own good. They pick up on things that we could never imagine when we were growing up. With the technology and access to all sorts of different media, the kids are being exposed to far worse by that than what the schools will be teaching. Each of these events are extremely traumatic events and has really changed how I think about sex and now that I have children of my own, made me want to have safe and healthy discussions around sex and sexuality.
Do not get me wrong, not for one moment do I regret my decision to have a child at 18 years old, but if I was given the knowledge that I know now, rather than learning on my own, then I may or may not have made certain decisions in my life. Do not allow your children to be taught by social media, friends, television or the internet.
Parents, please educate yourselves fully on what this new curriculum means for this and future generations to come! If you cannot bring yourself to have a conversation with your children around sex or sexuality because you are too embarrassed to answer what questions your child may have, then the least you can do is allow for an educator to relay what you can’t. So this brings me back to the question posed by my 10 year old son as to whether I am worried about this new curriculum since “most parents are”. No. My answer will always be no. Why? Well I have faith and confidence in the people who are educating my children.
Just some food for thought… How can we expect the next generation to succeed, if we cannot equip them with the right tools and information?
