By: Kayla Reich
I‘ve struggled with mental illness and anxiety since I was 14 years old, so when I became pregnant with my first child, I knew it was likely I would suffer from postpartum issues. My psychiatrist and I spoke at length while I was pregnant about the signs of postpartum depression after I had the baby so I would know what to look for. Nothing could have prepared me for how alone I would feel after having my baby.
D. was born in May of 2008. I had a fast easy labour with a first degree internal tear. I had wonderful midwives and an amazing doula. I struggled with breastfeeding from the beginning. Because my midwives could see I was having postpartum issues, they told me that my mental health was more important and I had to make the decision that was right for me. I chose to stop breastfeeding about a week and a half after my daughter was born and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. I remember calling my husband when he was at work many mornings saying “I can’t do this – I feel like I’m going to drop her.” I was so exhausted and anxious. I was lucky to have amazing family and friends that helped me so much.
I spent the majority of many days in those first few months of my daughters life at a close friend’s house just so I wouldn’t be alone. I remember this friend saying to my husband that it would take time, but I would return to my old self. One day, when I started feeling better, she told my husband that she felt I had turned a corner. My friends with babies and older children would come to visit and force me out of the house to go for walks. I would walk everywhere or take the bus as I didn’t drive.
I am so grateful to my amazing friends and family for helping me through that first 3-6 months. I joined a playgroup when my daughter was about 5 months old and it felt so amazing to be welcomed into a group of mothers who had babies around the same age as my daughter, some of which I’m lucky enough to still consider friends today.
I look back on that time in my life with smiles and tears. It wasn’t easy, but I made it through and it made me a stronger person. After the birth of my second child in July of 2011, I had some anxiety but no postpartum issues. I knew what to look for and again was supported by amazing family and friends. I’m thankful I didn’t suffer a second time. My daughter was a good easy baby and I benefited from the classes and groups we went to when she was a baby. I remember taking her to a friend of mine when she was about 6 months old and talking about how hard it is and how isolated I felt after I had my daughter.
To this day I will never forget one of the things she said. She said, “if someone were to tell you how hard it’s going to be after you have a baby would you believe them?” I think I probably wouldn’t, but I am so proud that we can now talk openly and honestly about postpartum depression and baby blues as it’s so important. For me, it defined my first few months of being a mom and it helped me to see that I needed to be around other people. I can’t express how thankful I am for my amazing friends and family. Without them, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
